I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
