if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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