He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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