Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
