Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
