At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
