she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
