i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Please don't give away my fajitas
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
