i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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