Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
