I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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