We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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