i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
