Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
