Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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