Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
