Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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