Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
