Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
