Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
two words: eviction party
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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