Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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