Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
