I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just invented taco cereal.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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