1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
