honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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