I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I need to wash the frat house off of me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
