you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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