it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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