Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
