I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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