I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
