Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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