I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
