I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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