I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
