I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
