Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
