what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I sprained my soul last night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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