I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
