it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
