He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
