If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
