it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
