I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize