Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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