No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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