My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
