in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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