I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
