I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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