I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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