Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize