R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
