she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
