Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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