Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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