there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
