I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
