I cockslap morals
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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