32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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