Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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