You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
