Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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