He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
