I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
