James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
