Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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