I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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