When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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