We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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