so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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