no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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