My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
