3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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